Vertu Returns Phone's, No One Asked For It, But Their Back.

 

Long ago we found endless sources of comedy with Vertu's releases.  The tone deaf releases, which each year desperately attempted to cash in on the Chinese New Year, were always hilarious.  We were deeply disappointed with the font of content that Vertu represented ceasing operation in 2017, and deciding not to continue producing mobile phones after relaunching as a luxury accessories brand in 2018.

We are therefore extremely pleased to note that Vertu have decided in 2025 to return to the mobile phone game.  Despite, as the title holds, no one wanting them to.  We could spend inches of column space on the history of Vertu, and poking fun at them along the way.  But we couldn't possibly provide an account as laughable as Vertu's own website here.

The self own this article presents is quite epic.  It's obviously cut and pasted from ChatGPT or another Large Language Model, with the prompt "set out the history of Vertu".  See for maximum laughs the "fall of Vertu" section, which provides "Vertu fell behind in technology, it focused on luxury, but others offered better cameras and faster phones."  Quite.

Actually, it failed because it's stupid to have ultra luxury technological devices.  Irrespective of how wealthy a person is there needs to be a value proposition in consumption.  Luxury goods provide the value proposition of exclusivity and quality by virtue of longevity.  Technological devices are inherently transient, and paying above the odds for them is faintly ridiculous.  

Vertu seems to have failed to recognise that once again, and we can't wait to see their entertaining offerings.